On Certain Decisions

I do not owe you an explanation of why I took a leave of absence this past semester. Anyone in my life who deserved an explanation was given one early on, or something as close to an explanation as I could emotionally/mentally afford to give at the time. I did not consult my friends. I did not ask my parents for permission. Taking the semester off was never a decision made by anyone.

It was a certainty. 

As you well know, I do not make decisions. I wait for certainty. But what I’ve learned from the past months is that not everything in life feels like a certainty. Most aren’t. This is why making decisions are difficult. But decisions can lead to certainty. Certainty isn’t some overarching predestined fate. It is created. Certainty can be learned. Certainty can be chosen. Certainty can be decided…by us. 

While I’m not going to answer your question, or much less give you the answer that you want to hear, I will give you this: rather than waited for us to come to a certain ending, I should have trusted my initial decision to end.